How To Deal

Honestly and seriously, this sucks.

It’s not the feeling that sucks, but the fact that I really hurt someone, makes me feel less like a human being.

I don’t regret what I said and did, but I never saw it from his perspective… Just like how he never saw it from mine when it happened before. I’m not exactly saying that we’re already “even,” or that I did it so that he’d know what it felt like.

I can’t believe how selfish that decision was. Selfish. But I wouldn’t have decided otherwise given the chance anyway. I took everything into consideration… except his feelings. Of all the things to forget, it was that. What an ass, I am. I know. Damn it. That’s the reason why it sucks.

Couldn’t even deduce why he did the things he did. Couldn’t even appreciate the 1am calls to help. Couldn’t even be thankful for being there without the need to be. Couldn’t even understand why he did the things he did.

So please, next time, if ever there will be a next time, no mixed signals please. Tell me your intentions and don’t do things that wouldn’t even tangentially meet the purpose of your actions.

I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. How was I supposed to know what you’d feel and what to think of your actions when you left me because I felt that way about you?

But honestly, I’m happy with that decision. Just this. Tell me, what do you call what we had? And if you didn’t find the need to tell it to me back then, I just need to know, did you ever?