:)
June 21, 2009 at 2:47 pm | In Goals, Personal | Leave a CommentFinally, I achieved one of my goals: to be called out to recite in a class and actually answer the question! Finally. Since classes started, I have been itching to recite just because I feel that my efforts in studying is completely being thrown out the window with every missed opportunity to actually use that understanding.
But despite the need to study at least 8 hours a day and sleep less than 7 hours a day, it has been fun and fulfilling. Apparently, people could see that even though I lack sleep and I’m haggard most of the time, you could see how happy I am with what I’m doing. It’s tiring most of the time, but you still go at it every morning.
In more instances than one, it only becomes a matter of perspective. If you really want what you’re doing and enjoy it, every little thing that appears to be a burden and even every hurdle, you only see as a challenge – something that you can actually overcome. It’s not even a burden. Nothing can and will bring you down because you love what you do and sometimes, even though people can’t understand why, you just do it because it makes you happy – no matter how crappy you look.
So excuse me if I have to wear make-up just to cover my eyebags and my pale complexion. It’s something I have to do so that I wouldn’t look like a Twilight vampire. Excuse me if I either eat a lot or none at all whenever I hang-out with other people. Excuse me if I have to dance the way I do just to keep myself awake. Excuse me if I talk to myself just to understand the lessons and memorize them.
But I love this. I really do. I wouldn’t leave it for a million bucks.
After Thought
June 21, 2009 at 12:24 am | In Personal, Reflections, Thoughts | Leave a CommentHonestly and seriously, this sucks.
It’s not the feeling that sucks, but the fact that I really hurt someone, makes me feel less like a human being.
I don’t regret what I said and did, but I never saw it from his perspective… Just like how he never saw it from mine when it happened before. I’m not exactly saying that we’re already “even,” or that I did it so that he’d know what it felt like.
I can’t believe how selfish that decision was. Selfish. But I wouldn’t have decided otherwise given the chance anyway. I took everything into consideration… except his feelings. Of all the things to forget, it was that. What an ass, I am. I know. Damn it. That’s the reason why it sucks.
Couldn’t even deduce why he did the things he did. Couldn’t even appreciate the 1am calls to help. Couldn’t even be thankful for being there without the need to be. Couldn’t even understand why he did the things he did.
So please, next time, if ever there will be a next time, no mixed signals please. Tell me your intentions and don’t do things that wouldn’t even tangentially meet the purpose of your actions.
I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. How was I supposed to know what you’d feel and what to think of your actions when you left me because I felt that way about you?
But honestly, I’m happy with that decision. Just this. Tell me, what do you call what we had? And if you didn’t find the need to tell it to me back then, I just need to know, did you ever?
Note to Self
June 6, 2009 at 9:27 pm | In Thoughts | Leave a CommentDon’t confess until the right time. And the right time is when I choose it.
Forgotten
June 3, 2009 at 5:14 pm | In Personal | Leave a CommentSome thing happened months ago and I only remembered it clearly during The Morning Rush today when I was supposed to answer the top 10. And yes, it only came to me a few minutes before closing the show. It happened, as far as I can remember, on January 31 after BILOG. Talk about repression: I wasn’t fully aware that that happened, only until today. I guess it’s a memory that I wanted to preserve so bad that I shut out that memory so that no one could possibly take it from me. Or possibly, it hurt too much back then that I just chose to forget.
So what am I talking about? My entry for the top 10. Enough said.
Now, apparently, it’s my Dad’s 15th death anniversary tomorrow. And I dunno. My Tita asked me if we’re throwing a celebration, then I said, “Ah. Kailangan ba magpaparty kapag death anniversary?”
Series
May 29, 2009 at 11:05 pm | In Personal | Leave a CommentOkay, I have to admit that certain TV series affect me, and this seldom happens. I’m not a fan of TV shows, nor do I watch Asian series because it’s a fad. I rarely watch TV nowadays, and my definition of TV is just watching music videos, The Nanny and news.
So permit me to post a blog (next time) about this particular series that has touched me on sooo many levels. I have to do this because if I don’t, my head is going to explode. I just finished the series yesterday, and honestly, since I began watching this show, my mind’s been going crazy. The songs keep playing in my head and apparently, there’s no turning down the volume of this one.
The only cure to get this series off my mind is to go to school and also to start watching another series I’m going to GAGA over. So for now, let me just admit that I love GU JUN PYO. Hahahahahahahaha 
Maybe and Birthday Wish
May 28, 2009 at 9:31 pm | In Personal | Leave a CommentMaybe I’m too naive to believe that I’ll end up living a fairytale life. You know, the one where there are such things as a knight, granted love or even a soulmate at the very least. I’ve grown up too attached to fairytales and now I’m wishing I’m in one. That hasn’t happened yet, so I’m still hoping it does.
It’s not the grandeur of it, nor the fantasy. It’s the aspiration that you’ll decide to love someone and they decide to love you back. Happy endings keep on escaping me, so I look forward to that too. It’s the feeling that we are fated to be with each other, but the two of you took the very steps to be together. It’s wanting to make each other’s dreams come true.
That that moment is enough. But I do believe that your soulmate isn’t necessarily the one for you. You learn that. But I know I’m stilll in the exposition, because I know I haven’t loved someone that much yet.
But then again, maybe dreams are supposed to be dreamt, because if they weren’t, there wouldn’t be any chance they’d come true anyway.
- Excuse me. This is just an effect of finishing a TV series that has inspired me to move mountains.
MACHO
May 17, 2009 at 5:51 pm | In Goals | Leave a CommentThe shopping spree I had yesterday did give my body some work-out to the point that I couldn’t even lift my legs down the stairs having slept for 7 hours already. To think that I only need 4 hours of sleep to have the energy needed to do that task. I think the fact that I had a 1/4 slab of ribs from Racks didn’t help my cause. The point is, I had to wake up early, and by early I mean 10AM, to actually execute the long-delayed excavation of an old study table from one of our storage rooms.
So I figured that given that we have 2 study tables in that storage room, I might as well take the L-shaped one even if it only has one sliding cabinet compared to the 6 ones from the rectangular one that happens to have a mini-bookshelf of its own. Knowing that I had to excavate both in order to get to the rectangular one, I took the L-shaped table instead. Easy decision. The problem was gettting the things on top of the table out of the storage room plus that very old compueter chair. So after removing all the bags, folders and just about everything on top of the table, I realized that I had to do away with all the documents and decade-old computer-related garbage. It took me an hour to get things out so that I wouldn’t bring cobwebs in the living room. Good thing I did that to the table as well. We actually had to break the table in order to get it out of the storage room. It was better to live with breaking a table and assembling it when I had it upstairs than having destroyed the surface of the table – rendering it totally useless.
And yes, despite the fact that I did ask permission from my Mom two weeks ago, she still got mad at me for forcing the study table out of the storage room. Her reasons were that I wouldn’t need (1) a study table when studying for law, (2) she didn’t use a study table before, and (3) a bookshelf is unnecessary (to think that we have two wall-sized bookshelves inside our old room). I know for a fact that I study better on a table than on the bed – which will definitely tempt me to sleep; as well as I need a decent bookshelf in order to have order in my room. So finally, one of our helpers, Judeth carried the smaller half of the table up 3 flights of stairs. I was left with the connecting wood for the two halves, the sliding cabinet and the bigger-end of the L-shaped table. And yes, I got it up 3 flights of stairs. Good job.
Now that I am able to re-think what I did just a few hours ago, I can’t believe I had the strength to actually do what I did. And given that I really did what I did, I think I’m MACHO. Yes. MACHO.
Dreading
May 7, 2009 at 8:12 pm | In Personal | 2 CommentsTo those who do not yet know, I enrolled myself to law school just this Monday. And although it means the beginning of a long journey towards the hopeful fulfillment of one of my just-realized-in-college-dreams, it will have to come at the expense of doing something I love and am passionate about.
Recently, I started working in a school as an administrative assisstant. So far, my first two days included doing work I have done in the past – FOH and FO things. Tomorrow, I will be doing some accounting related work, and honestly, I am looking forward to it. I know for sure that while it is still summer, I have the expressed permission of my boss to switch schedules to give way to my RX training with Chico & Delle. Unfortunately, I am having a hard time picturing the situation once classes start.
You see, even if I am already in the afternoon session that will most likely be from 1PM to 5PM, depending on my section, I will definitely need at least 6 hours a day to study. Give or take that I will be home by 7PM, and 8PM whenever our car is coding, that would leave me another 4-5 hours a day to study and that doesn’t include my bath and eating time. My work requires me to be in school from 8-12 NN, leaving me 6 hours of sleep a day. There just isn’t enough time!
And think, think seriously if I will still be able to squeeze my RX training if it means I have to make up for the lost hours of work. Forget the mantra, “we’ll cross the bridge when we get there,” because seriously, I have to decide soon. Not yet now, but soon. I have to decide by the end of the month. The bridge is already here, and I’m just dwadling the last couple of steps to get to the end of the bridge. It’s frustrating.
I have to think and decide fast though. Most definitely, I will not be going to work on June 4-5, and I am still unsure about the Intro to Law week since it’s from 5-9PM because I know I will need time to study and again, there’s not enough time with my schedule. But definitely, I have to LOA from RX once classes start, and I am not yet even sure when I’ll be back – probably when I stop working. But I have to work for the whole month of May, and most probably, if I am having a hard time balancing my studies and work, then I have to leave my job – even if I love and enjoy it so much.
And so… I am dreading the end of May! That’s when everything is going to happen. Then come the middle of June, I will most likely have to decide whether or not I should stay and keep my job. 
I just wish I can come back working during our semestral break or what. But for now, I have to momentarily let go of RX starting June. I don’t exactly have the pleasure of time anymore.
Everything
May 6, 2009 at 7:45 pm | In Personal | Leave a CommentI can honestly say that this is the ultimate love song – for me. I love, love this song. And I think, this is my song.
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
GAAAH
May 5, 2009 at 10:16 pm | In Thoughts | Leave a CommentThe word has no definition, so permit me to give it one based on the more common experience known as GAAAH. It is the first thing that comes to mind during speechlessness. Or better yet, it is the expression given after a mental-block state a person goes into.
More precisely, it is the first thing a particular girl named Dianna says five seconds after being stunned by the fact that a particular guy we will code as Ven messages Dianna because of a text message sent yesterday. But note this: Dianna is crushing on Ven. I can’t get anymore discreet than that.
In other news, what diet supplement should I get? Hmmm.
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